


Caf for Two

by olio



Category: Campaign (Podcast), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 20:19:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17168723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olio/pseuds/olio
Summary: Blue and Zero need to pretend to be married for very important reasons.





	Caf for Two

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minnabird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnabird/gifts).



> Inspired by [these tweets](https://twitter.com/OneShotRPG/status/1076141918994776065):
> 
> The Mynock @MynockMadlibs:  
> Blue and Zero pretend to be married and try to listen in on Bounty Hunter comms.
> 
> James D'Amato 💖 💜 💙 @OneShotRPG:  
> Zero does not bother to point out that they don't need to pretend to be married in order to do this.

The bounty hunters had information Blue wanted, and what Blue wanted, Blue would have. It had something to do with vaguely seditious holovids they’d been posting, though Zero wasn’t entirely sure what, as he’d zoned out and started looking at cat pictures while Blue explained. It was one of the great benefits of a helmet. He nodded along when Blue paused, few and far between though those occasions were in Blue’s caf-fueled energy, and Blue seemed happy enough. Zero did rather enjoy the sound of Blue’s voice, but he only needed to pay half a mind to the actual content of Blue’s speech. Especially when it came to plans. Zero would stab where Blue pointed when the time came, and until then he could enjoy his cats. Beside him, nose buried in a Neimoidian Sparks book, Aava didn’t even pretend to pay attention.

“I can hack into their comms, but I need to be close by to do it. We need a cover so they don't suspect us.”

“Uh huh,” Zero responded, still not really paying attention. Now _that_ was a very good video of a cat falling out of a box.

“We need to pretend to be married.”

At that, Zero’s attention came crashing back. “Wait, what?”

“No.” Aava’s response was immediate and heartfelt, belying her earlier apparent disregard for the conversation. “Absolutely not. I am never doing that again. Certainly not with Blue.”

“You heard me.” Blue had a gleam in his eye and a determined look that spoke of schemes upon plots that he was adamant about going through with, and when he got this way, Zero had found, he was best humored. “Married. If Aava won’t do it, then you, Zero. You and me, just a guy and his trophy husband walking down a street and going to eat dinner together.”

Zero thought about mentioning that there was nothing inherently suspicious about two men going to dinner together, regardless of marital status. Thought about -- and quickly discarded. If Blue wanted to act married, then who was he to say no?

Blue insisted on disguises. For him a disguise meant something casual rather than his uniform. Or it was supposed to be casual, Zero felt sure. But it was what _Blue_ thought of as casual. It was far too expensive, for one, and probably had never been in style anywhere, casual or otherwise. It didn’t look quite right on Blue, either, his frame too lanky to quite fill out the fabric, as if he were borrowing someone else’s clothes. But at the very least he wasn’t _instantly_ recognizable as an Imperial minister. For Zero, a disguise meant a new design for his arm, one Blue had been working on but Zero had not yet begun to use, and:

“I am _not_ taking off my helmet.” Zero turned to Blue, horrified. “I _never_ take off my helmet.”

“But you _have_ to,” Blue pleaded. “That’s the point!”

“You don’t think a scarred up gank would be more obvious than a guy in a helmet? Loads of people wear helmets.” It wasn’t that Zero _needed_ the helmet, not to survive, at least, but he’d been wearing it for so long it was basically part of him. His face was, well, it was _his,_ the scars and cybernetics were his, but the _helmet_ was his face now. All the readouts and displays inside it were part of how he interpreted the world.

“Loads of _bounty hunters,_ ” Blue said. “Besides, no one’s ever seen you with your helmet off, and therefore they won’t know who you are. It’s perfect.” Blue was getting his stubborn look again, but Zero wasn’t quite ready to give in.

“If this ends up in a fight, I won’t be as effective at protecting you if I don’t have my helmet.”

But Blue just smiled. “I’m sure you’re going to do great. It’s what I pay you for, after all.” Then, when Zero still didn’t remove his helmet, “Please?”

“Fine.” Zero reached up and pulled his helmet off. Even Blue didn’t see him with it off very often, and to be here, together, with his face bared to Blue, felt oddly intimate. Blue’s hand fluttered up, as if to touch Zero’s cheek, but then he jerked it back down, gesture aborted, and he turned towards the door, moment broken.

“Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Which was how Zero found himself walking down a street with Blue, trailing behind two bounty hunters. One of the bounty hunters they followed was a green twi’lek, one lekku shorn off midway through, and the other was a heavily tattooed pantoran, blue skin covered with a riot of different colors. Blue fiddled with his gloves, and suddenly Zero could hear two voices from the comm in his ear. They were arguing about some sports team, and Zero rolled his eyes. Then stopped. His helmet was gone now, and he had to remember that. Any expressions he made _would_ be visible, rather than hidden by an eternally blank façade.

“There,” Blue said, a satisfied smirk crossing his face. “We’re in.” Then he stuck out his left hand. Zero looked at the hand for a moment, not sure what he wanted. “ _Hold it,_ ” Blue hissed. “We’re married, remember?”

“Right. Right.” Zero tentatively went and wrapped the fingers of his organic right hand through Blue’s. It was…nice. Blue’s hand was warm and comfortable against his, even through the layers of their gloves. Even if only for a masquerade, Zero found he rather liked the sensation. Blue just blinked a few times, then smiled up at Zero, and at that smile Zero felt a warmth spreading through his chest. It took a concerted effort to turn away and focus his attention back to the sound of the two bounty hunters talking in his mic. He could not afford to be distracted. He would not be distracted. Blue wanted this mission to be a success, and Zero would make it a success. It was what he was paid for. Entwined fingers were a distraction he would just have to learn to live with.

Not long after, the two bounty hunters stopped at a café, and Blue quickly pulled Zero to a greasy diner across the street. “Why don’t we eat here, darling?” he said.

Zero liked the sound of that. He liked the sound of that very much.

“Sure,” was what he said.

They sat down at an outdoor table with a good view of the café and pretended to pore over a menu over drinks – water for Zero, caf for Blue. Zero pulled out a straw from one of his pockets before remembering he didn’t need it without his helmet. Blue appeared focused on the bounty hunters’ conversation, which had now moved on to the merits of various types of tea, and occasionally glanced over at where they sat bent over their own menu.

“No type of tea is anywhere near as good as caf,” Blue grumbled.

“You really want to argue with two bounty hunters sitting across the street?” Zero asked. “We need them to talk about your holovid stuff, anyway.”

Blue sighed. “Fine, fine. They can stay wrong.” Then, “Zero, quick, quick! They’re looking at us,” Blue hissed and grabbed Zero’s hand. “Trophy husband. Now.”

Zero wrapped his other arm around Blue’s waist and moved his head so he was nearly touching Blue’s forehead, his attention diverted from the comm chatter in his ear. He wasn’t entirely sure where Blue was going with this, but he was more than happy to play along. He – well, he was Blue’s bodyguard, and it was what he was paid to do. So he looked deep into Blue’s eyes, and Blue looked deep into his far too exposed eyes, and they held each other while the bounty hunters presumably looked on.

(If Zero enjoyed the part slightly more than necessary, well, that was his own business and better disregarded.)

Zero quickly glanced over, then back to Blue, controlling his expression lest it betray him and missing his helmet all the more. “I think they’re done, whatever you saw them doing.”

“Yes, yes, you’re right.” Blue pulled away, attempting to straighten his outfit, but only succeeding in pushing it around to a slightly different askew position. He looked…he looked _flustered._ Probably a result of his general excitement at espionage. Blue didn’t think of Zero as a potential romantic partner. Zero was almost certain of that. Or he had been. But perhaps there was _something_ there. And Blue _had_ suggested this whole cover story. But now was not the time, and Zero adamantly filed it away for later examination.

Not long after, the bounty hunters got up to leave their café, and Blue hastily grabbed Zero’s hand again and towed him away from their table. They spent the next half hour fruitlessly trailing the two through a market, the conversation they overheard meandering from one inconsequential topic to another, and never what Blue seemed to be after.

But then Blue stopped short. “Oh no.” He pulled Zero to him, against a wall, and buried his face in Zero’s neck as if in an embrace. “I think they saw us,” Blue whispered. He glanced around again, furtively. Then, unexpected, words Zero had, perhaps, dreamed of hearing, but would never have admitted to. “Kiss me.”

So Zero did.

It might have been pretend. It might all be only for Blue’s harebrained scheme for who knew what propaganda ends. But this was his chance, so Zero gave it his all.

Zero touched his lips to Blue’s, careful of the points of his teeth, not wanting to hurt Blue. Zero dug one hand through Blue’s hair, and Blue’s hand rose to brush over the tufts of Zero’s ears, seemingly unsure what to do, before settling at the back of his head. Zero wrapped his other arm around Blue’s waist, pulling them closer together, even as he focused on the warmth of their lips pressed together. Blue tasted of caf, naturally. He was hesitant at first, but he followed Zero’s lead with enthusiasm.

Soon they pulled away from each other. It might not have been the most amazing kiss, and it might have been all in the pursuit of Blue’s plans, but Zero wanted more. And when was he ever getting another chance? Zero threw caution to the winds and leaned back in for another kiss.

Finally, the kiss ended. “Oh,” Blue said, his face flushed, his usually chatter momentarily halted, raising one hand to press his fingers against kiss reddened lips. “That was…that was nice. I see why you seem to like it so much.”

“Then maybe we can try it some more, later.” Zero wanted to kiss him again. Right now. Blue was infuriating, maddening, frustrating, but he was _Zero’s._ Zero’s to hold, to protect, to cherish.

But then Zero noticed the silence in his ear. “Your bounty hunters are gone.”

Blue glanced around. “So they are.”

“Want to find them?”

“No.” Blue wrapped his arms around Zero’s neck. “Kiss me again.”

 

* * *

 

(In the end, Synox arrested both bounty hunters.)


End file.
